These are some of the things I find extremely attractive in a woman. But in order to ask for these things, I also have to be willing and able to give them. There have been places in my life where I couldn’t. I didn’t always see clearly. I didn’t always know what I needed, and I didn’t always show up the way I wanted to. I take full responsibility for that. Now, I’m not just hoping someone will give me these things. I am determined to become someone who gives them too. The older I get and the more I understand relationships, the more I realize I’ve created such a peaceful home within myself. One day, I hope to share that peace and build a life with someone who can meet me there. We don’t have to be perfect. We will have conflict. We will misunderstand each other. But it cannot become me versus her. It has to become us versus the situation. I want someone willing to question her own thoughts and perceptions, just as I am willing to question mine. Someone who wants to understand my experience without abandoning her own. Someone who knows two realities can exist at once, even when we experienced the same moment completely differently. No victim and villain. No character accusations. No trying to convince each other that only one reality is valid. Just two different people blending two different worlds, assuming the best, taking accountability for the ways we cause hurt, and working together to understand each other more deeply. I’m taking a break from dating. I’m not completely closed if the right person enters my life, but I’m not putting my energy into searching right now. In this pause, I’ve been reflecting on how I show up in friendships, how I want to show up when my person comes, what I’ve learned from my past relationships, and what I will do differently. Looks don’t mean shit to me without depth. Of course I need to feel attraction, but the most physically beautiful person in the world becomes completely uninteresting to me if she lacks curiosity, awareness, accountability, communication and playfulness. I want depth. I want adventure. I want softness, honesty and play. I want someone who can communicate clearly enough that neither of us has to guess. Knowing my standards isn’t cocky. It’s discernment. But discernment also means taking responsibility for my own trauma, the ways I have projected it, and the people I have hurt. I’ve had to look honestly at my part without collapsing into shame. Yes, I have hurt people. Yes, there are ways I wish I had shown up differently. I can acknowledge that and still know I am worthy of love. I can learn from it. I can grow. And I am growing. I’m good on my own. I’m content and genuinely happy in my life right now. I don’t need someone to complete me, but that doesn’t mean I want to be alone forever. I do want a partner one day. I want her to feel deeply safe with me, and I want to feel deeply safe with her. I want us to create a home within each other while never abandoning the homes we’ve built within ourselves. That kind of relationship takes two people. And when the right woman comes, I’ll be ready to build it together. #WLWOver30 #SecureAttachment #EmotionalMaturity #HealthyRelationships #QueerWomen