. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . yesterday, my friend went on a secret account i didn’t know she had, an account i didn’t block her on. she looked at this account, and all of my posts, including the descriptions. i hated it. i hated it so much, it felt like having my heart torn open for everyone to read the emotions i have been feeling for many years now. she saw how i attempted, texted me about it, constant ‘’i love you’s’’ that i hate hearing now. “don’t go, i love you with all my heart i promise,” that didn’t stop me from attempting last time, i don’t care if people love me or not. someone shouldn’t tell me they love me more than my own family does. i hate being told i love you 50 times a day. i think i hated it so much because it reminded me of when my mom found out about my mental state. it was too much. when my mom found out though, it wasn’t as bad as when my friend found out. i don’t know why. i cannot forgive my friend for forcing herself into my issues right now. that doesn’t mean i don’t want to be friends with her, but i just don’t want to forgive her. i can’t look at anyones faces right now without wanting to vomit. her noticing has only made me want to die even more, i wasn’t ready to tell anyone that i committed, i wasn’t planning to. i was planning to take that secret to the grave with me. i hate it. i hate it so much, because now im back to ground zero. it feels like just when my parents found out about everything, it was awkward, i couldn’t look at them for a month without feeling incredibly guilty to the point where i’d trap myself in the bathroom for an hour just in case i needed to vomit. that situation, i thought i would never have to deal with it ever again. my parents finding out were my biggest concern, i didn’t know my friend would just barge in like that. i hate that. i hate when people do that. why are you trying to force yourself through a door i didn’t open for you? i don’t want to get mad. but i can’t help it. i know she’s just worried, but these are my issues i don’t want you talking to me about. if she is reading this, i won’t have the heart to live anymore. because then, she didn’t follow my wish for this account to not be seen by her anymore. #digicam #digitalcamera