Quite possibly the most vulnerable TikTok that I’ve ever made but this issue just isn’t spoken about. For the best part of 5 years my life was controlled by a painkiller addiction, codeine to be precise. I went from taking 72 painkillers at once, 3 times a day, to waking up one day and realising that if I was gonna continue living then I didn’t want it to be like this- and never swallowed another tablet again. I know that I’m not cured and that there is no cure for addiction but I never thought I would get to here. More overdoses than I can count, 5 resuscitations and now kidneys that will never function normally but to wake up today and not be thinking about which chemists I’m gonna have to go to is a blessing. I lied to every single person that I knew and lost every single friend that I ever had because of it and they’ve never forgiven me. I wasnt a bad person, just a person who made bad decisions. So if I ever lied to you, or hurt you when I was high then I am truly sorry but I just needed help, walking away doesn’t help someone in addiction, it only makes it worse. I don’t know why we don’t talk about it, we talk about alcohol addiction, cocaine addiction, heroin but I guess painkillers just aren’t as common in the UK. But if you’re struggling, just know that it is possible to stop, it ain’t easy but it can be done and you can’t be any worse than I was. Today I sit here a totally different person, blessed to be halfway through my first pregnancy which I was told would never happen as I shut down my entire reproductive system for over 3 years. I didn’t go to rehab, I haven’t had counselling, I ain’t a martyr but I am fucking proud of myself. Recovery is possible, you just have to want it. #addiction #painkilleraddiction #codeine #recovery